It hurts to part..

 The feeling of emptiness when an enriching, warm, long-running engagement ends is so depressing. I finished Pachinko today - my first book of this year, and I am already missing it so bad. It was a long book and I have spent many wonderful hours with it. Some experiences have this quality of haunting you long after they get over. I am thinking of some other times when it hurt to part. 

1. Books: Atlas Shrugged, Totto chan, A suitable boy. 

2. TV series: Big Bang theory, Friends

3. Places:  Most places where I have spent a considerable time - my two homes in Allahabad, my apartment in Joka, my home for 4 years in Bangalore, my apartment in Hyderabad. Strangely, the 8 days spent in Udaipur + neighbouring places continue to haunt me. 

4. Workplaces: I only felt this for my last software company, Yodlee(now Envestnet) and my last company, Medtronic. Of course, I spent my longest time working in these two. And my school which I had attended for 14 years. Didn't feel much for either colleges. 

These are just off the top of my head, and heavily tainted with recency bias. Starting a new book tonight to ease the misery. So long!

Of high aspirations

When one is young, there are few things that appear more desirable than growing older. Once you are old enough, there are few things more depressing than growing even older. I think the person can be considered as truly mature on the day this flip happens. We had put up a couple of numeric balloons with numbers 1 & 6 on Pari's birthday to mark it as her 16th. Not because we consider 16 as anything special, but because the balloons were part of the decorations that the neighbourhood general store owner had recommended and sold to us. Also, because on inflation, they looked nice and went well with our theme. After the party was over, I plucked the number balloons off the wall, bought them home and pasted the 16 in Pari's room. I thought it looked great on her wall. The following evening, I went to Pari's room to run an errand. The numeric balloons looked strange and unsettling. And then I realised that Pari has rotated the 6 to make a 9 and pasted it before the 1. Many of us would offer an arm and a leg to be 16 again, I have a child who can't wait to turn 91. I would appreciate her enthusiasm about life, but for the fact that I would either be long dead and gone or 115 years old. I prefer the former.

Of travelling fathers and lonely daughters..

Husband is just back from a 3 day business trip. The man rarely travels for business and it is a big deal for the family when he does. The newly-minted 16 yo who generally avoids parents like plague is surprisingly and severely impacted. 'The house looks so vacant without Papa', she rues on Monday, the day following her Dad's departure. She spends most of Tuesday looking forlorn - 'I miss Papa so much.. when will he be back?' she asks. The child starts brightening up as Wednesday progresses and joyfully proclaims in the afternoon - 'Papa will be here tonight.. I am so excited!'. Most of the evening is spent checking the flight status and once he lands, tracking his transit from the airport to home. At times, I feel like I don't know this girl at all!

The resident botanist

8.12.22 Pari and I have come down to the society park. It is a beautiful morning and the weather is too inviting for us to stay indoors. Pari has got her botany book and is ambling around in a leisurely manner, apparently studying plants. Her demeanor reminds me of Jaya Bhaduri and Amitabh Bacchan in the 1975 movie Chupke Chupke. Studying Botany is sure a walk in the park!

Of trying new things..

 There are so many beautiful memories that I have made with nephew S, even though he has been with us in India for just over an year. Since I have  to post every day, I am pacing myself and going easy on the content :) This is another really sweet moment we had, around the time this little guy turned 4. 

We were having lunch at my aunt's place, enjoying the all time favourite Chhole-Bhature. S surveyed the dining table and chose to sit in Pari's lap for the meal. Pari started feeding small bites to him. Being the giver that he is, S started inserting food in Pari's mouth in return. He then discovered the salt shaker on the table, poured plenty onto Pari's dish and started feeding her salt, only salt without any food. Pari refused to oblige.

P: S, don't feed me salt.

S: Why? 

P: I don't want to eat it.

S: Et baav tvy tav te detho (Ek baar try kar ke dekho - Try it just once and see)

We could barely stifle our laughter. This is exactly what we tell S every time he refuses to try a new food. Pari couldn't help smiling either!

Rhotacism

We learn so much from and because of kids. I learnt the word 'rhotacism' courtesy my little nephew S. His tendency to replace all R's & L's with V's and W's is a source of constant amusement in our family. We often imitate him in our casual conversations, and I have gotten so used to it that I once greeted my manager at work with: "Havvo, How aw wou?" Thankfully, he chose to ignore it like so many of my peculiarities. 

S is the most adorable, sweetest child that I have ever met. And it is not just me who is so smitten with him, every single person who interacts with S turns into a fan in no time. His genuine concern for all and his unusual kindness makes it quickly to your heart. His rhotacism just makes him all the more adorable. 

On that point, I recall this incident from last year this time. S was 3 at the time. I was visiting and had promised to take him and his older brother A to the aquarium. S was checking with me every few minutes on the start time.

S: When do we go to the aquarium?

M: In a short while.

25 seconds later..

S: When do we go to the aquarium?

M: Shortly. 

S: When?

M: We will go to the aquarium after I put my lipstick.

S: (brightens up) Whipstick whipstick!

M: Do you apply lipstick?

S: Yes!!

M: How?

S: (drawing finger circles around his mouth) wound and wound and wound..

I still think of this every time I apply a lipstick.

Mumbai winters..

 Mumbai gets really pleasant in winters. Winters here are defined as the period from mid-Nov to mid-Feb, when the days become shorter with the sun setting in before 6 pm, and the temperatures plummet to 18-24 degree celsius in the evening. In our 10.5 years stay here, we are yet to experience sub-20 degree temperatures. I would imagine those low temperatures would be recorded in the less populated, less polluted places, not Andheri. 

Having spent the first 20 years of our lives in Uttar Pradesh - Delhi, Kanpur & Allahabad, 20 degrees doesn't even begin to define winters for us. It doesn't motivate us to pull out our basic windcheater from the cupboard, much less our sweaters from the boxes under the bed. 'We' refers to the husband and myself here. Pari is a Mumbai kid. We haven't seen her without a jacket or hoodie since November, while we continue to wear short/no sleeves and shorts. Also, this child sleeps under a stuffed duvet 6 months an year. For years, we have sniggered at folks who show up in warm clothes in the society park or at work. Soon, I see us lighting a bonfire to keep our shivering offspring warm during the bone-chilling Mumbai winters. Karma is for real!

Of new games..

There are major advantages to playing board games with strangers. Firstly, I get more people to play with which is the primary motivation due to the limited size of our family. Secondly, but equally importantly, I get to experience so many new games without having to purchase them. Earlier, I used to read up reviews on different board games but that is so subjective of the writers' interests. It doesn't compare with the opportunity of experiencing a game through actually playing it. Here are a few games that I have played(and mostly won!) so far..

1. Fantasy Realms

2. Skull king

3. Money

4. Parks

5. Project L

Of these, I think Project L is the game with the simplest, most intuitive rules and terrific real repeat value. I played a couple of games last Saturday and can't stop thinking about it since. I plan to get it soon, provided my delivery service from the US is restored:)

Of personal cheerleaders..

 Earlier this week, I participated in a board game event organized by a bunch of gaming enthusiasts. It was a casual, fun event and I am glad that I could make it despite a dull headache. A couple of hours later, Pari messaged on Whatsapp to check on me. I think I got incredibly lucky with this kid!

Of online shopping, unrealistic expectations and aerial views..

Last week, I had ordered a dress online as a new year present for myself. It got delivered today. Now, the dress looked very nice in the pictures posted on the website. But then, the pictures featured a tall, leggy model with porcelain skin inside the dress, apparently 10 years younger to me if not more. People often blame designers for not using real people to display and promote their clothes. I can't even do that as I have observed myself subconsciously scrolling over clothes that feature plain Jane models. Truth be said - modelling is a profession, which like any other, requires certain qualifications. Models do make the clothes look desirable and designers need to sell. And I am no activist really, just a regular person who browses fashion websites and buys pretty-looking stuff online to feel good. I am not here to make a statement or take a stand with my purchase. 

We digress but to be fair, even the dress didn't look like its picture. The actual dress looked like a poorer cousin of the dress in the picture, similar to how I looked when compared to the model in the picture.  Now, I am a very reluctant person when it comes to returning clothes or other things once purchased - online or offline. I feel that my time invested in the selection and purchase would go waste if I were to return the item. Therefore,  I continue to seek validation of the item to avoid a return. My darling mother is my go to person for self-affirmation. It is not that she actually likes all of my shopping, rather she instinctively  knows it when I come to her for an approval that wasn't found anywhere or with anyone. And she loves me way too much to turn me down. I asked the husband to take a couple of pictures of me in the said dress to share with my mother. He took the pictures from his eye level which is about 6 inches over my head and I ended up looking like a dwarf, with stunted growth. I insisted that he bends down to my level and take another picture. This time the picture came out well with my body appearing proportionate. While comparing the pictures, I had an strange thought - most people are significantly taller to me, is this is how I appear to them? Funny that I never thought of this before! In any case, I have sent the good picture to my mother and am now waiting upon her approval of my dress.. fingers crossed!

No means..

..'No'. Not when it comes to my mother though. Sample this:

At the dinner table
Mom: 'Shall I get you a second helping?'
Me: 'No'
Mom: 'Alright.' <Proceeds to add more food to my plate>
Me: 'No Mom, I am full.'
Mom: 'Alright, just finish this. I won't give you anymore.'
<What just happened? I obviously finish off the second helping.>

Me sitting content on the couch
Mom: 'The cushions need to be washed.'
Me: 'No. I had them washed a couple of weeks ago.'
Mom: 'Alright.' <Proceeds to pull out the cushions from under me and around me, ripping off the covers and placing the bare cushions back on the couch. The covers obviously go into the wash.>

Me leaving for work
Mom: 'Shall I pack a snack for the evening?'
Me: 'No. I will be back by 6.'
Mom: 'Alright.'
<On the way to work, the lunch bag feels heavier than usual. I check it to find 2 additional boxes of snacks. Gah!>

I can go on and on here.

Please Mumma, 'No' really means 'No'!

Of modesty and saving the family's honor..

Cousin E is visiting. We pick her from the airport and on the way back home agree that the weather is far too pleasant to be spent indoors. And so we decide to spend the day shopping - in a mall, where else! Allow me to skip the irony of it all. We reach home, drop the bags and E gets dressed. She swaps her travel clothes -  t-shirt, trousers and jacket for a ripped jeans and an off-shoulder + cold-shoulder crop top. Pari is scandalised, to say the least. She makes a big hue and cry about the dress. We try to calm her down while hyperventilating ourselves. A compromise is struck - the ripped jeans is exchanged for a normal untorn albeit skinny alternative, but the crop top stays. Pari wonders aloud as to what keeps it from falling off, and evaluates at length, the chances and consequences of such a malfunction. Thats when I start getting worried, but E assures us that the top is held firmly in place by her contours and trustworthy elastic.

As soon as we step out of the car, and even before we can enter the mall, Pari is overwhelmed with shame and concern for E mausi. In a futile effort to cover E's exposed belly, she starts pulling down the by now famous crop top, subjecting E to a real danger of undress should the elastic give way. We take great pains to explain to her that it is alright to expose some belly, and even Nani does it when she wears a Sari. I think more than the explanation, what forces her to let go is the sight of many more women wearing similar or worse clothes - ripped jeans and crop top does seem to be the flavor of the season. We are in the Zara store when Pari whispers to me, pretty loudly for a whisper - 'Mumma, this woman's jeans is even more torn than E's!' Fortunately, many women in the store are wearing torn jeans and are too busy shopping for more distressed clothes to  pay attention to a child's honest opinion.

The following day is a lot of fun - E dresses appropriately in shirt and shorts, eats pasta and plays house and monopoly with Pari all day. She leaves in the evening. As we tidy up the house and get ready for bed, Pari walks up to me.
P: Mumma, I will never ever wear clothes like E.
Moi: Hmm.. alright.
P: Torn clothes are so disgusting.
M: OK
P: (Still hurt and needing to vent) E wears such clothes, other people can see her organs!
M: (Aghast! She is taking it just too far)Organs?? Which organs did you see? You can see her skin, but you can't see her organs unless you have an X-ray vision.
P: Yes, skin is our largest organ.
M: (Appropriately quietened.. thinking of a response which just doesn't come! Finally, I manage to mutter under my breath) Baby.. I only hope you keep thinking like that through the next 20 years!

This post is recorded for training purposes and future use. It will be pulled out for reference the moment I see Pari wearing anything that can potentially expose any of her organs.

Suggestions sought..

..on new and exciting blogs. When I started this blog back in 2007, there were so many blogs that I used to follow. Somehow, most of them are inactive/closed now. Many of them were mommy blogs. The children of said mothers have grown up, and the mothers have gotten so busy raising the kids and living it up with them, that they perhaps have no time left to chronicle the journey. Also, I feel that babies provide the most fodder for blogs. As our children transition into teens/pre-teens, the content and the urge to share it just reduces. I am one mother who has resolutely held her ground and continues to write about the child - like I always say, more for my own remembrance sake than for really sharing.

We digress, but I wonder what happened to the other set of bloggers - folks who wrote about everything under the sun. Apparently, they too have lost interest in writing. Also, times are changing fast, and I realise that blogging is not the 'in' thing anymore. Paucity of time and more importantly, patience has led to the rise of twitter and FB over blogs. Again, I wonder about the paucity of time. With greater longevity, and greater-than-ever time-saving techniques(air-travel, domestic appliances, emails, cellphones, e-commerce and another zillion!) at our disposal, shouldn't we have more time than before? As it turns out, many of these have served to fill in more time than they have helped save. Talking of changing times, I was casually going through some really old emails from the year 2002-2003 and was amused to see the number of email forwards that we used to share. Of course, that was way before FB & whatsapp happened. And we did have orkut but no smartphones. Gosh.. I feel like a dinosaur!

We digress again, but the purpose of this post is to lament on my dwindling reading list, and request the kind people out there, who still visit this page, to suggest some worthwhile blogs to fill in my hours at work. I am open to all kinds, but the funnier, the better! Gracias :)

TV tales

We are a very TV loving family. Our parents - mine, husband's and now the child's are all big time TV-watchers. However, there is a difference here. My parents & parents-in-law have 3 television sets each in their houses with 6 & 3 members(2 after my sister moved out) respectively, while we have just 1 set with 4 people.  To our credit, we manage this abysmal TV:viewers ratio fairly well. Firstly, we supplement it with our 4 laptops. Also, fortunately, the timings are different for us. The child watches from 3.15(or as soon as she arrives from school) until 7.00 pm(or as soon as I reach home). The husband comes in by 8.00 pm and watches tv until 10.30 pm, which is when my sister returns from work, and takes over the control(remote). I don't get much of a window, and therefore prefer to stream and watch TV on my laptop. Yes, we are a cooperative bunch!

Coming to content, Pari, like her Dad, loves to watch pretty much anything as long as it is on the TV. Presently she is hooked to the Shiva cartoon. Last week, I just casually asked her about it, and she spent about 45 min just narrating Shiva's special powers. As much as I like hearing her talk, I got really bored after the first 3 min, at which point I switched off mentally and just pretended to listen to her. You know kids.. they don't really understand that tv shows are only enjoyable when you actually watch them, not when a 9 year old retells them. This brings me to last night's episode. We got in the bed really early, all set to sleep. 5 min in the bed, I started giggling. The husband asked me to share the fun.. BIG MISTAKE on his part! I had remembered this funny episode from the old show Dharma & Greg(am currently watching the entire series)..  and so went on to relate the entire episode, punch lines et al! The man had to literally ask me to stop, and allow the two of us some sleep. This morning, while driving to work, my mind wandered off to last night and thinking of this incident made me feel really foolish and worse still, so puerile. Then I thought somemore, and suddenly remembered the time when the husband had narrated an entire episode of Bhabhiji Ghar par hain  to me. This was about a couple of months back, when we used to regularly watch the show, and I had missed that particular telecast. I immediately started to feel so much better, and absolved of all guilt. I am not juvenile, we just happen to be a family of storytellers!

मेरी माँ के तीन सवाल..

१. क्या खाना खाया?
२. क्या खा रही हो?
३. क्या खाना खाओगी?

Standard questions asked every day, on every call, except ofcourse when she is here with us, overfeeding us. I may sound irritated over the phone, but I love you so much, Mamma!

Blame it on the genes..

I return home early from work, and am feeling particularly benevolent. The sight of Pari watching the TV with her nose touching the screen doesn't perturb me, and I pick up small talk with her.

Me: Pari, how was your day at school baby?

Pari: It was awesome, Mumma. We got gulab jamuns for dessert in lunch. And you know, they served poori-bhaji in the breakfast! I ate 2 pooris.(Pari is obviously much delighted, and the memories of poori's & gulab jamuns seem to tickle her tastebuds.. she makes a slurping sound and goes back to watching TV.)

Me: uh.. OK.

Pari is served breakfast and lunch in her school, and as much as I dislike the school, look down on the standard of education, and resent the lack of discipline and the quality of the teaching staff - the child-friendly meals and the proximity of the school to our house keeps me from doing anything about it. 4 years on, I still remember Pari's excitement on discovering that her new school provides food, and good one at that. At the end of the first day, she had exclaimed --'Mumma, is this a school or a restaurant?' The excitement is yet to wear off..

So, we digress.. Soon after, the husband arrives from work. I recall that he had mentioned something about a meeting today, and ask the rhetorical question once again..

Me: Hey, how was your day? How did your meeting go?

Husband: Oh.. it was a long day. Aur kya faltu meeting thi.. ek dum thande samose aaye tha, aur peeli -dheeli jalebiyaan thi. Mumbai me logon ko karaari jalebi banana kabhi nahi aayega!*

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

*Translation: It was a useless meeting. The savories were not fresh, and the sweet was not good. They can never learn to make crisp jalebi's(sweets) in Mumbai.

Of taking 'inatives' and arrythmia

If I were still a student with just myself to take care of, no household responsibilities and endless time on my hands, I would have probably just rambled on about whatever I felt like. But as you might be already aware.. I am not a student anymore. I am a working mom and wife, and a professional who thinks she does earth shaking stuff everyday(disclaimer: my perception, not necessarily the organisation's), and so I choose to behave more responsible, especially while churning out posts during my supposedly working hours. I have decided to begin each post with a set agenda in mind, and sign off as soon as the items therein are checked off. This post has a twin agenda--

1. Taking Inative-- Not everyone takes 'inatives', or initiatives as folks over the age of 5 yrs may call. I am unreasonably proud to report that my little Pari has taken some serious initiative in her school and has been awarded a certificate for the same. This is the first ever certificate of achievement/merit for my little girl, so please pardon the chuffed mumma. However, the exact initiative taken by the child remains a mystery, which can only be revealed by her teacher/principal. Pari has absolutely no idea of her reward-worthy initiative, but she is happy and proud all the same.

2. Arrythmia aka 'Fluttering of heart'-- It is really not a rare phenomenon, not for me atleast. My heart skips a beat or two quite often-- the sight of adorable children: Pari/Chia/Akshat.. not necessarily in that order, Chia is 1.5 yrs old and currently tops the cuteness quotient, or of drool-worthy adults like Jude Law and Hugh Grant, the rentals in Mumbai, the apartments available at those prices and such. Then what makes this one mention-worthy? Well.. it was caused by my husband of the last 6 years, something not experienced in the last 5 years. Last night, we were playing cards, me, husband, bua-phuphaji, and a couple of other relatives. The husband dealt the cards, and somehow won the game. Now, this is an unusual situation, if we play cards, there is only one-in-a-million probability of him winning the game.. and so when it happens, he is obviously look at with suspicion. He was accused of cheating and the man retorted with a very mischievous look. I don't know.. he wasn't even looking at me, but I had this abrupt twinge in my heart, and a sudden conviction --'Lord.. I so love this man'. I am not sure if it makes any sense at all.. to feel this way for a man you have been with, since like forever. But I did feel that, and it felt really good to feel that way. What would I not give to feel like that perhaps just once a month.. it would keep us together, going strong and good for the next 100 years.

Joka Diary - 10

One week. That is all the time I have left in Joka. Come Thursday and I'll be packing my bags to leave for home. It is a strange feeling. Actually, I should be able to identify with it now, I always feel this way when it is time to say my good-byes. Most people here are extremely thrilled about being reunited with their families, or going back to the corporate world if they are already placed. Others are busy hunting for jobs. I am also looking forward to seeing Pari and being with my family once again. But at the same time, I feel I am going to miss this place and my student life. The uncertainties ahead do nothing to ease my anxiety. And so, I am trying not to think of my life after IIM. But then, what do I think about? The last term is almost over, we had our first exam today. Nobody cares for studies anymore and even less for exams.. I am no different. For now, we are all doing what we enjoy the most. The men are playing cricket, football, running and partying like there is no tomorrow. I am happily idling away my time downloading and watching loads of movies -- old, new, Hindi, English-- all kinds. The song in the last post is a testimony to that. I particularly like watching old, weepy, tragic movies, that suit my current disposition. When I get tired of movies and my eyes and head start hurting, I sleep. I call up home, friends and chat for long. At times, I even attend the classes. And of course, I intend to appear for all the exams. To me, this last lap appears really weird and lackadaisical. That is just not me. How I wish we could finish the race in style, on a high note!
p.s. In this post, I haven't ruminated on my life in Joka during the last 11 months. The last post in this diary, whenever it is done, is reserved for that!

Joka Diary - 6

So much has been happening -- both inside and outside Joka. And I have been too busy (read lazy) to chronicle either. A post on Pari is also long due. Next one, for sure! Alright, lets begin with the updates. I am into my fourth term now, over 5 months already spent in Joka. This weekend, my M-I-L visited the campus. Did I mention that the Prime minister visited us last month. No? Never mind.. that wasn't really important. Lets focus on the M-I-L's visit. I got really excited at the prospect of having her here. So much that I went around the campus telling people of her visit, only to be harassed in return. My classmates threatened to complain to her of all the things that I never said, and all the misdemeanors, which I did not commit. That did little to dampen my excitement, which took me to a new level of cleanliness. As it is, this flat of mine is quite small and easy to maintain, and I am usually too busy to even mess it up. Still, M-I-L's visited warranted a more thorough scanning of the flat, all the nooks and corner for hidden cobwebs/fungus and their elimination. Did I tell you how quickly we get mold here? The climate here is so hot and humid that if I leave a black shirt out of the cupboard, for say overnight, the next morning it develops white patches of mold. Talking about Joka, this is going to be my pet peeve.

Mother has her sister and parents living here, who duly collected her from the airport. And then, I brought her to the campus in the evening. It is usually difficult to get a taxi to Joka, but that day was extra special. We struggled to even get an auto-rickshaw. To cut a long story short, we got into 4 vehicles - 3 autos and a bus to reach the campus. And I paid 100 bucks to the last auto, to drive us less than 2 kms. A very eventful journey indeed! Next morning, it was bright and shiny when I took her to the mess for the breakfast. Less than 15 minutes later, it was raining so heavily that we both got soaked to the bone on the way back, despite the umbrella. Later, when the rain finally stopped, I took her around the campus. And honestly, I had no idea that the campus is so huge. I haven't seen even half of it I guess. All said and done, we had a great time and M-I-L turned out be my first guest in Joka.

With the Durga Puja approaching fast, the college is buzzing with frantic activity. There is a Puja committee, which is responsible for putting up the puja pandal, and they have done a damn good job of it. A grand wooden structure has been erected and the entire campus is lit up. And now, the deities have arrived too. We saw the campus workers taking them off the trailers on our way back from dinner. It is going to be fun here, though I am leaving for home tomorrow and will be back only in time for the immersion. Here's wishing a very happy Dussera to all!

Waiting to get back..

A member of my erstwhile team pings me on gtalk. After an exchange of usual pleasantries, he says he often has this urge to ping me when he sees me online. I ask him why, and he says- 'I keep forgetting that you have left. Whenever I see you online, I tend to think that you are working from home.' Its been over a month since I quit the company!

One of my classmates turns up for classes in full formal dressing, and a dash of makeup. I get a little nervous and check with her if there are any presentations today, since I haven't prepared anything. She replies with a sad smile - 'No. I was missing my office.'

Corporate life isn't all that bad, what say?