Pari strikes again!

I have been struggling with this desperate urge to blog for quite some time now, but things have been slightly busy at my end and my love for procrastination is no secret either. Moreover, I make a conscious effort to keep my blog happy, as in I try not to write if I am depressed or suicidal or 'divorcal'(is there a word for the urge to divorce??). I have two teenage sisters who follow the blog, and that is enough reason for me to keep it clean and not write anything that could potentially put them off marriage/children/middle-age.. Besides, I might be hunting matches for them in a few years from now, and it is absolutely necessary that the family believes that I am good at finding a match!

So much for not writing, now we come to the reasons for writing at this odd hour. I am mature enough to know that my not-blogging is no great loss to the blogging community. However, to me it is.. especially because Pari is back and churning out gems by the hour, and with my memory, I forget most of them the following hour. And it is a bigger loss to the father who will miss it entirely. Yes, the spouse is travelling for work to Noida and being a man of principles, he doesn't call me, like ever, from office(work-ethics), transit(traffic-rules) or home(family-time, he is staying with the IL's). And so he has no inkling as to what goes on in the household. However, the presence of the child, and the continued absence of the only maid that I had (Yes, I have 'NO DOMESTIC HELP' for the last 1 month) ensures that I have no time to even find out if the man’s indifference can serve as valid ground for a divorce. And if you think life couldn't get more interesting, the LPG got over and we spent 4 full days without a stove. The child, she refuses to eat anything except French fries outside the house, and demands milk 3 times a day in addition to her usual dal-rice. I went crazy trying to cook dal in the microwave, and running around with milk bottles begging people to boil the milk. On the positive side, I think I can expect a call from Survivor any day now.

Now the nice part, Pari has been entirely unpredictable since her return from Allahabad. My mom has indulged her heavily, and it shows in her behaviour. She took instant dislike to my not-so-flexible management and said the meanest things I have ever heard her say. I was truly crest-fallen and seriously contemplated having a second child, as the fall back 'budhape ka sahara'. Once she learns to read, Pari might hate me for putting it all here, but I would still share the two most shocking instances.

1. I go to the neighbour's house on some errand, and return in around 1/2 an hour after some invigorating gossip. I come back and ring the bell. Wait.. and again ring the bell. Now, I can clearly hear some argument behind the closed door between Pari and Papa, and assume that probably Pari wants to open the door for me. She likes doing that, at least she liked it before she went to Allahabad. Finally the door is opened by the husband, and Pari is sulking in the corner.
Me: Why didn't you let her open the door? Now, she is upset.
Husband: No, she didn't want to open the door. She is upset because I let you in. She was stopping me from opening the door, saying -'Don't open the door. Let Mumma stay outside.'
Horror!!

2. We are having dinner when I suddenly get hiccups. Even before the husband could notice, Pari screams -'Don't give her water. Let her have hiccups.'
Tell me if that isn't mean, what is?

Anyways, the husband left for Noida soon after, and you should see how this girl turned over a new leaf. She waited for Papa to return for a couple of days, and even cried for him. However, once it became clear to her that Papa is not returning anytime soon, and Mumma is who she has to make do with, she switched on her best behaviour. I mean, I'll just quote her here, these are some of the things she actually said to me-

1. Mumma, I can never be sad with you. I love you, and I will buy a lot of things for you.
2. You are so sweet Mumma! I am your daughter and all my things belong to you.(Of course they do, I bought them with my own money!)
3. Why doesn't the maid come? She is a lazy woman. My mumma has to wash utensils. I will help you mumma when I grow big.(I ask her when will she be big, and she says - Wait mumma, I am growing slowly!)

And such cheesy stuff. She is kissing me at the rate of 5 per minute, and if I happen to move, the ground that I had been standing on is smothered with affection. Sending her to the school and daycare is a cakewalk. If I just record her conduct for a day and sell it as an educational DVD, I am sure parents will queue up for a copy, just to show their wards how nice 4 yr olds can be.

For me, I am just happy to have my baby back, and glad that we are bonding big time. Though I am sure, things will not be the same once the father is back. But for now, I am basking in the glory of motherhood, and Pari keeps me sufficiently entertained. I am taking her down for cycling almost every other day and we go for long walks, where she provides me with useful insights on the world. Like when we came across a puddle, she pointed it out to me, 'Look mumma, a well. Do you know what a well is? It is a big hole and it is filled with water.' And then, there was little rise in the footpath, where it covered the drain to which she said -'Can I cross this bridge?' Thankfully, the official definition of bridge was not offered. At times, when I help her write, she says, 'Mumma you have become my teacher. You are my mumma and also my teacher.' However, the one that I liked the best was when I drove her to a restaurant - 'You have become a driver, but I still love you Mumma..' Thank you my child, I am so honoured!

I am a bad bad mommy...

Pari's school reopened today, and I completely missed it! Her teacher called up a little while back, and asked if we intend to send her back. I am one who takes pride in remembering dates and events, and it is really unsettling to think that I forgot this. The husband is just the opposite, he depends on me for all the reminding duties, and the child is too young to comprehend dates. So practically, the household runs on my memory. And if this is what it has come to be, God save us!

Actually, there are reasons. The past couple of weeks have been crazy, and I have not had time to breathe. Thankfully, it is automated, the breathing that is! The maid went off yet again, she really played it foul this time, and I am bent on making her regret it. You think it is cheap? Go ahead and make me a monster, witch or what-you-will. I am determined to teach the smarty pants a lesson this time for ditching me when I needed her the most. Sorry for the digression, but I needed to vent. And then, there was this illness which extended to over a week and left me really weak and frustrated. To top the mess, I had to prepare for my brother's wedding along with the GMAT exam scheduled last week. All this between washing utensils, cleaning, cooking and baby sitting apart from office work. I think my bird brain couldn't keep up with so much and gave away. I actually lost track of time and date. Anyways, at Pari's age, missing school is not a big loss really. And we plan to send her to school only next month. My aunt and cousins are here for a week, and I would prefer that she spends time bonding with them rather than attend the montessori. Also, we are off to a 3 week long vacation this weekend. So there isn't much sense in sending her to school for just 4 days. But to think that I forgot the reopening date is absolutely unnerving, reasons or no reasons, loss or no loss!

Because I wish to share..

..I am posting this at the risk of being bullied by friends and family. Thankfully, friends don't follow the blog, and family would anyways find out sooner or later. I was caught by the traffic police today for talking on the phone while driving. Actually I had stopped at a signal, when the maid called up, and since she calls from a public phone, I simply could not afford to miss the call. She would have happily hung up and walked off, while I would be left wondering till eternity as to why she had called up. Moreover, she calls mostly to notify an absence, and this is 'the deciding factor' which determines what our day would look like the moment onwards, and who between us would take off from work and suffer the child. Digression over, the signal turned green while I was still on the call and almost immediately, the cop appeared out of nowhere. I think he saw me talking while I was still waiting at the signal, and with little luck with the traffic light, he made it. Anyways, I was taken to the other side of the road, and he demanded that I pay up. I asked for a challan, to which he cheekily replied - 'Madam, challan ka 200 lagega'. I was already irritated with the maid and the sequence of events, so pulled out 200 rupees from my wallet and handed it over to him without another word. He was taken aback a little, but then hurried off to get me a reciept which I just threw in without even checking. After I reached the office, I took out the reciept and realised that he had charged me for 2 offences, one was offcourse 'talking on phone while driving' and the other was lane indiscipline. Since the penalty for the actual offence was only 100 rupees, he added an imaginary one to make up the amount to 200. He probably thought that for 100 rupees, people might not be even interested in bribing him. But what really disappointed me was the penalty. Taking calls while driving can have terrible consequences, and 100 rupees is all you get fined for it? And tell me, who really minds shelling out that amount these days? My maid doesn't mind if I do not pay her for the day she takes off without prior notice, and continues to do so with delight. Her daily salary is more than 100 rupees, and she doesn't care. I spend an average of 100 rupees on petrol every day. It just doesn't sound like a fine, and the purpose is entirely lost. I have pledged not to recieve calls while driving because I know how wrong it is, but I know people who would not be deterred till they are made to pay for it. And paying it with a fine is a zillion times better than paying it with somebody's life. My cousin got fined for $250 for speeding on the freeway in Texas, and it was a lesson learnt the hard way. I so hope that they raise the penalty for all traffic offences to a reasonably high amount. However, given the state of affairs here, with the cops being so lowly paid and people so willing to bribe, it might just backfire and government may just lose out on the collections even more.

Big Switch*

Friday, 2/5

8.30 AM: Wake up
10.00 AM: Reach office after a nice breakfast, armed with cut fruits and packed lunch
5.30 PM: Leave office, head for the office party at The Capitol
9.30 PM: Husband picks from The Capitol, brings back home.
10.30 PM: Watch TV, crash on the bed.

Monday, 2/8

7.00 AM: Wake up
7.30 AM: Prepare tiffin for Husband
8.30 AM: Wake up the child, give her milk.
9.00 AM: Prepare tiffin for child, log in the office network, drop a wfh email.
9.30 AM: Dress up the child, brush her teeth, fill her 'Barbie' water bottle, put tiffin, bottle, napkins in the 'Shinchan' bag and hand her over to the husband to be dropped to school. It is not as straight forward, she is watching 9XM and doesn't want to go to the montessori, neither does she finish her milk.. but we will ignore that.
10.00 AM: Check emails while helping husband with breakfast.
10.30 AM: Husband leaves, secure the door, Home Alone!
11.00 AM: Electricity goes off, internet goes off, VPN goes off.. Tidy the house, fold the blankets, pick toys off the floor.
11.30 AM: Sweep/mop the floor
12.00 AM: Take breakfast in top gear and leave to pick the child.
12.30 AM: Return with the child. Change her clothes, plonk her on the sofa with 9XM on if the electricity is back.
12.45 AM: Prepare lunch for child and self. Reconnect to VPN, and check emails again.
1.30 PM: Give bath to the child followed by commencement of the child's lunch.
2.00 PM: Feed child further.
2.30 PM: Continue feeding the child.
3.00 PM: Give up on the child. Struggle with her, and put her to bed.
3.30 PM: Finally, start the day's work. Electricity goes off by the time the VPN comes up. Curse, swear, abuse.
4.00 PM: Heat lunch on gas stove, using 2 more utensils in the process, which could have been saved if microwave/OTG could be used, i.e. electricity were available.
4.30 PM: Call husband/mother/aunt/MIL and crib
5.00 PM: Power is back. Once again, connect to the office network. Child bawls. Pick child and carry her around till her mood improves.
5.30 PM: Child is ready to play. 54,657 toys,jigsaw puzzles, building blocks and pieces there-of are again on the floor, bed, sofa, center table, everywhere!
5.45 PM: Make milk for the child, after duly washing the utensils required for the process. This includes 3 plastic cups, each holds 50 ml of milk and are used in the order Y-G-B-Y till the milk is exhausted.
6.00 PM: Nudge child to finish the 1st, i.e. yellow cup of milk. Apply for a leave from office, for today.
7.00 PM: Threaten the child, throw incentives, grovel before her, do anything and everything to ensure her milk is over.
7.30 PM: Scramble eggs, feed the child those.
8.30 PM: Husband returns, complain about the child's misbehaviour, shed copious tears and hand over the child to him along with the left over eggs.
8.45 PM: Start preparing dinner.
9.30 PM: Start feeding child again.
11.00 PM: Wash utensils, simultaneously put on the washing machine.
12.00 AM: Hang out clothes for drying.
12.30 AM: Apply ointment on the back, pop hurting legs on a pillow and pass out.

Yes.. the maid, our beloved Shaila has quit. Please send some prayers my way, and a woman for household chores, just in case you know of any. I am willing to part with one of my kidneys to return the favour.

*reality TV series on UTV Bindass.