Monday, September 17, 2007

For Him..

Why do we always end up hurting people we love the most? Those closest to us get the best and the worst of us. Probably the fact that they are so very close to us works against them. For one, if we are lucky enough to be geographically close, we spend most of our time together and that gives us ample opportunity to mess up stuff. Then our deep interest in each other's lives and wellbeing, often without an equally deep understanding leads to more issues. And then there are expectations... Expectations out of each other, expectation out of a relationship.. You can really expect them to ruin your relationships.

Yesterday, I had a bad fight with the person closest to me.. the fact that I am married makes it a giveaway. You can not actually call it a fight since I did all the talking and believe me, I am truly disappointed with myself. I still strongly believe in all that I said, and am willing to fight for it again... it was the manner in which things proceeded, that left me feeling so guilty. I practically waited for things to pile up and then tried clearing it off, all in one go. I had tried, but probably not hard enough to nip it in the bud. Some more sincere effort could have certainly helped. Also, we treat strangers and people who-do-not-matter with more respect and consideration than those who mean the world to us. Somewhere in our subconscious, we very well know that the person is so attached to us that come what may, he would never turn back on us, and we use it to our advantage. I did just that, blurting out just anything that I felt like saying, without giving any thought at all to his sensitivity. And in the end, after two and a half hours of playing the blame game, whose loss was it? Mine, and mine alone! That is the irony of the whole thing. When we hurt someone so dear to us, it is us who suffer the most. I was sad because he was sad, and sadder because it was me who was responsible for his sadness. Anyways, that is really no excuse.. And I wish to apologize, more for the sake of my own peace than to make up for his agony. I am sorry nonu, I really am!

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